Happy Mother's Day!

Guess what I got to bring home for Mother's Day? Yep, I ended up having my c-section 1 week early and got to bring our Beautiful baby boy home on Mother's Day, of all days. He was born at 36 1/2 weeks weighing in at 8lbs. 3oz.

I will fill you all in on the details of the delivery day soon. Let's just say, it had some eerie familiarities.

Anxiety

Boy, I am really bad about posting. Has it really been that long?

We had our first rounds of weekly non-stress tests yesterday and I have to say it bared to many resemblances to before. At first they weren't seeing the spike in heart rates when the "little tummy toad" moved, but that quickly resolved. What was mostly worrisome was that the NST was showing I was having contractions. They checked my cervix and it was fine -no thinning.
The problem and anxiety for me is, I can't tell I am having these contractions (or BH), so when they tell me to monitor myself and keep time of them, I feel helpless. How can I monitor something I can't even tell is happening.

They say there is a good 98% survival at 32 weeks, but that goes with a 2% not good rate, which is worse odds than Makenzie had. Sigh....

Hang in there buddy!!

Happy New Year!!!

Well ,the holidays have passed and my anxieties over this pregnancy have returned. With the help of some hiccups. I got a call from the nurse the day after Christmas letting me know that the results from my AFP (spinal bifida) test came back high. Not knowing much about this test, and actually not educated about sinal bifida, I made the simple mistake of asking "what does this result mean". Oh boy, she had plenty of SCARY scenarios.

Needless to say, I broke down after the call ended and found myself in the throws of that all familiar "hopeless feeling". I called the nurse back and had her fit me in to Dr. W-onderful's day. I needed to hear the facts from him! (we were on the road, heading home from relatives out-of-town) As soon as he came into the consult room he put our minds at ease. He informed us that A) numerous women get higher results that turn out to be nothing B) my results were not nearly as bad as the nurse made it out to be C) I had already had a Level II ultrasound (along with about 9 others) that showed a very healthy spine and neck- no indication on SB. After he spent 45 minutes going over the facts with us- we decided to do another level II to ease any worries. That u/s has taken place and it all looks fine. Shewwww.......
By the way, doc did say he would speak with the nurse.

On another note, I failed the glucose tests. Which I did with my previous pregnancy also. I am able to control it with my diet, so hopefully that will continue.

Oh, and I don't believe I have said that we are carrying a BOY! We found out at 14 wks during an u/s. I have to say, "we were a little shocked at first, I think we truly thought this one would be a little girl" after about 24 hrs it sunk in and we began to envision him. We are now 20 1/2 weeks>>>but who is counting? LOL.

Good News

The results came back on the triple screen and the numbers look good. 1 in 2,800 chance of Downs or Trisomy 18,13. So, one millestone down. On to the next one.

Since I've been gone

Well..... Thought I would actually stop in and give a brief update.

I haven't been blogging for several months. Not sure my thoughts were all that well formed. It has been one heck of a year, for sure. When I last wrote it was to say we lost baby #2, we went to the hospital the following day to have a D and E performed and spent the next 24 hrs. tearfully tucked in each others arms in bed. I gradually worked my way back into reality and found comfort in returning to my job and daily routine. And again, the support of our friends was a huge blessing.

Several weeks later I received a call from Dr. Wonderful to let me know the results were in from the tissue sample they tested and it gave a definite reason for this loss. An extra chromosome #15, basically a fluke happening. He was encouraged that it was this and not something that would likely occur again. We did find out that this pregnancy, indeed , was a little boy. Sigh.....
I have to honestly say - I never felt good about this pregnancy. I'm not sure if it was the bleeding early on or the apprehension I am sure to feel. But, I could never resolve myself to being happy about it.

So here is the kicker...... We are now 11 1/2 weeks pregnant. Yep, I couldn't believe it myself.
Doc had said and I qoute " we usually tell our patients to wait two months before ttc again, but if you guys were to get pregnant before then, we won't be mad at ya." So, I took it to heart and starting calculating right away. Odd thing is, I can't say I even had a period. Just a spot of blood on day. So I went with it as a period in my calculations. I have been told because of the d and c my level of blood was minimal -thus no average period.
So far we have had about 5 u/s and every thing is looking normal. The HR is in the 170s and this little one is a mover. Makenzie NEVER moved around like this. This past Monday we met with the specialist for the NT test and the triple screen. The results will take five days and I am trying to stay positive. But am scared to death there will be bad news. I keep holding on to the fact that the nuchal fold was well within normal range and that it is ultimately in God's hands.

I will try and update soon.

#2 and counting

At 2pm today dh and I went to the Dr.- a day early -after bleeding again over the weekend.

The u/s showed that the baby no longer has a heartbeat. I am scheduled for a D and C tomorrow morning.

Night Life

9 weeks and 1 day today. I have been doing fairly well, usually evening hunger pains (1 hr. after dinner) accompanied by nausea accompanied by sore boobs. I have evening nausea vs. morning sickness, did with Makenzie also. The difference so far is that starting yesterday the nausea and hunger and sore boobs have disappeared. Which didn't happen till 2nd trimester before.

I used the phrase "I don't feel pregnant" when I left a message on the OB nurse line.

Here is the thing, last night I laid in bed worried that there may be something going wrong and I needed to hear the HB. So, when I finally did fall asleep, dreams of dead babies danced through my head all evening. Lovely, A?I talked myself down this morning and just relaxed and rested all day until my hubby and a phone call from a friend encouraged me to "just call the OB and see if you can get some reassurance or possibly have a Doppler monitor performed."
Well, the nurse was helpful and told me it would be too early for the Doppler to detect a hb, but that if I was having great anxiety and losing sleep to call back in and have an u/s performed. She also said that "don't feel pregnant" is a typical concern for many mothers. "Just realize that hormones are constantly changing right now and every pregnancy is different."
So, I have decided to try and hang in there till the 31st for our next visit.

I am definitely gonna be ordering a Doppler. Any advise a selecting one and where to go?

Pretty in Pink

I have not been able to get online till today.

We have had company all wkend and it has been go, go ,go!

So....
WE HAVE A PEANUT WITH A HEART BEAT OF 132 BPMs.
Dr. W is amazing and was just as thrilled as we were to see the little flicker. He jokingly said, "and if you believe the wives tale, it's a boy" which I quickly replied, "Dr. W we have a hell of a lot a pink he's gonna be wearing"!

Holding our Breath

Well, we did not see a heartbeat, but the Doc says everything looks great. He says, being only 6 wks we were a little early to possibly see a HB, but that the measurements and the yolk sac look very promising. We were able to see the little peanut -well more like a small piece of rice on the u/s, but it was very tiny.

So guess who has to come in for u/s #2 on this Thursday. Doc feels we definitely should see a heartbeat by then. That is, if indeed there is gonna be one. I guess I am still trying to keep myself neutral on the whole situation for now.

It has been getting harder to keep it from friends, they are all getting suspicious as to why I am not hanging out and drinking cocktails on the wkends right now. We have concocted a lie about a kidney infection. Good grief, I hate lying! I just don't want them to have to go through the roller coaster of emotions right now. We will tell most of them if there is a hb Thursday.

I do have to say that Odouls has a pretty tasty amber beer out now. I don't recall that being around last year.

Sorry for the delay in posting the results, I didn't really think anyone was reading.I will try and do better. Have a great 4th. When you watch the fireworks , think of my Makenzie also, she would have loved em from this view.

UPDATE

I haven't had a chance to update for the last couple days. So I wanted to fill you in.

Had a bit a scare last Friday when I started spotting bright red-that later in the evening turned into something similar to starting my period. For a brief moment only. By Saturday morning, nothing except dried blood when I wiped. Been pretty much clear since Friday.

I did go into the Doc on Monday and get another blood level run. HCG had increased to 3350. Which is good. They are doing an u/s tomorrow and hoping to see a heartbeat. There is some concern about the u/s because of the spotting. The doc is cautious to say we are fine until then. So we are praying.

We were also "busted" while at the OB. A friend, who is 9 mos. prego, ran into my husband in the wait station. I later popped around the corner and made her promise not to say anything to anyone. She told us that she had spotted throughout the entire pregnancy and in the beginning had a spell of bright red.

So maybe things will be fine, for now.
Till tomorrow.

Is anybody out there

RATS.......... My sitemeter has disappeared. What the heck?

I can't tell if anyone is reading any more.

Well, I got my thyroid results back today and it is normal range- 2.9.

It is interesting, I read where in post-prego, sometimes the thyroid can mimic hypothyroidism. So, along with other fluky after prego changes, I guess this one is chaulked up to hormonal changes also. Hell, I'm not complaining, I am just glad I don't have to ingest any other meds for the time being.

Secret Keepers

Okay, got the call today from the nurse.

My progesterone levels "are excellent" at 47 (?)
My HCG level was 129-I am to repeat next Thursday-and they want to see it increase by 66%.

This looks promising.

Still having a little spotting today, but doc says I will for several days.
I have been quite tired all day and my boobs are becoming sore already.

Thanks Kate and Artblog for still being around to share with. I know I have dropped off the radars - with my scarceness of entries-but I am glad I have a place to tell people, given that it is hush hush for now. So shhhh.... ;)

DOUBLE VISION

You wouldn't believe the events that have transpired this week !!!



It all started Sunday night after I finished up my post. I was feeling all discouraged and extremely frustrated. After signing off I made my way to the aforementioned bathroom and got ready for bed. As I sat down to use the potty, I -for some unknown reason- reached into the trash pail and pulled out the EPT I had discarded early that morning after getting the undesired result. And there it was- A Faint Line, how did I miss this? Was I seeing things? Maybe I should take it into the bedroom and observe under different light, HOLY CRAP !!!! There IS a faint line!

I debated on waking dh for fear it was a false reading. But several minutes later he rolled over , woke slightly and asked for a kiss. At this point, I pounced. Honey, Honey wake up, I NEED to tell you something ! After I showed him the stick and confirmed I wasn't crazy, he got a big smile and said "Oh yeah, we're gonna have a baby." Then sang, My Boys Can Swim, My Boys Can Swim. I gave him that look like- No guarantees. Then he said "make sure you take another test tomorrow morning before we get to excited, right?" Right!

Several test have been taken since. 2 more showed darker lines, but still fainter than the reference line. I even called the manufacture to confirm the results and was told it is a "positive". So I left it at that. I contacted the OB(which- by the way -I have decided to switch to the new one) and spoke with a nurse who set up an appointment on July 9th. She was awesome about understanding my anxiety.

Well, last night I noticed some spotting when I wiped. This scared me initially and I went into the bedroom and told my husband. He kinda got a sad look and said "We get to keep trying!" Men, always thinking with their penis. I think we both automatically thought miscarriage. I laid in bed that night and said "God, it is ultimately your will. If I have learned anything, I have learned things happen whether I want them to or not. But, you know dh and I's desire and what our will would be if we were in control." When I awoke this morning after some strange dreams about trying to get a pregnancy test at my old OB and no one there remembering me, I jumped one the Internet and googled spotting during early pregnancy and read it can be common. I then commenced to the local drug store for test #4. This time a more expensive brand with a BIG + symbol instead. And, sure enough it too was a "POSITIVE".

I called the OB office and spoke with the nurse who immediately got me in for quantitative blood tests and an appointment w/doc. I called dh and he left work and met me there. Can I just tell you how amazing the staff and Dr.s were at this place. The Doc entered the room and stated "spotting's not really want you want to see right now, is it? Let me just say that 1 in 4 pregnancies can have early spotting. Have you been cramping or in any pain?" No, I said. "Great, that is what we like to hear." He asked several more questions and calmed our nerves. He then did a pelvic and in 3 sec. said everything felt great. He explained so many things to us and informed us that the blood work would be back tomorrow and he would give me a call. But, that he was optimistic.

DH and I are so glad we have decided on this new practice. Even if this pregnancy doesn't prove successful, our experience with them so far has been great.

Oh, and I also got glasses this week. Seems as though I have been walking around slightly blind.
Thus, not seeing the faint line.

5 months and counting

Today was another day of disappointment and sadness.



I eagerly awoke this morning to make my way into the bathroom, open the cabinet, grab the wrapped EPT , tear it open and begin the monthly routine of "saturating the stick tip". I then made sure the cover was replaced properly and the stick was placed directly on a flat surface. Not to be looked at for exactly 3 minutes. At this moment the anxiety erupted from within.



I had been so sure this month we had been successful. We had tried a new approach (advise from a dear friend). This time we staggered ttc on day 12,14,16 of ovulation (oh, and day 15 also, just for the hell of it) but as I waited for the 3 mins. to pass I found myself instinctively knowing that I would not see the double lines I had hoped for. WTF.



I have decided to contact either my OB or an endocrinologist (Dr.referral) this week. I know that my thyroid was a little wacky in April so that could be a potential problem. The main thing is to be proactive and get some testing done, to rule certain things in or out. I am not the youngest chicken in the coop, so time is not on my side. Pray for us.

Rosepetal

Rosepetal, I wanted to check in with you and see you have made your blog private.

I hope you are doing okay and would love to hear from you.

Updated: I just went over to Delphi's and saw her post. I am thinking of you often, and understand the time you are needing. So when the clouds lift and you open up again...I will be here. You were always the first one to post a positive perspective when I was down, hopefully, I will have the chance to reciprocate some day. Just say when.

Don't Worry...Be Happy

"Happy" Mother's day. Yeah, not so much.....What an oxymoron for those of us here in lossville.

I know, I am behind on this subject. But in between work, classes, studying and TTC a women gets no time to reflect.

So my Mother's day was filled tears and memories. My husband and I talked a lot of "she would've beens...."- She would have been 7 1/2 months now, she would have been rolling over, she would have loved her back yard, she would have been trying real foods, she would have been so spoiled, she would have been so wonderful to wake up to this morning.

We are in our 3rd month of TTC and so far no go. Which I know is hardly any time at all , but it has me concerned none the less given that I can pretty much pinpoint my exact time of ovulation with OPK and cervix position. This method proved accurate when trying and getting pregnant the 1st go with Makenzie.
I am contemplating going to get my hormone levels checked by the Doc. Or even going to the Endocrinologist to recheck my thyroid level that was 4.5 in Febuary. That was up a full point from January. Hell, at that rate, there is no telling where it might be today.
Dh, of course, thinks I am being silly and we just need to be having more sex. Always his answer to any lingering health issues. Boys.

At this point, I am not sure to worry or not.

How long have most of you been trying and/or how long did it take to conceive? When should I start questioning something possibly being wrong?

Our Little Man

Say Hello to our "bu-drow". He is our spoiled perfect "little man". His given name- Oakley. He is our pride and joy. And as you can tell, has to be up on us 24/7. He is part greyhound , part golden which makes him fast and happy. We decided to get Oakley at another dark time in our lives 6 yrs ago. Everyday since has been filled with his affection and good lick-licks.

When I was pregnant with Makenzie I heard numerous stories how couples no longer babied or catered to there pets. I was so worried we would do this to him - it made we cry on several occasions. Call it hormones if you will but this did cause much concern. I guess for now-my fears are unfounded. And he is still our "baby".

Support

Please go over and give some support to a wonderful person Rosepetal .

I will have an update blog later this week. Thanks for checking in.

Lost Milestones

DH and I officially spent our Easter weekend as "shut ins"-

Why does the weather have to turn colder after teasing me with 80 degree springtime Dlite? Just when I was getting used to evenings in the hammock, with a cool drink in hand ,watching my husband slave in the yard.
Seriously, I haven't been that lazy all together, I have been getting on my road bike or taking a jog through the neighborhood as often as I can.

I missed Makenzie dearly over the Easter holidays. I had images conjured up of her in a pastel Easter dress with a barrette in that thick hair, staring bright eyed at the older kids as they scatter and cheer in the park, searching for brightly colored eggs. I always envision the smiles DH and I would have at those moments , watching her expressions as she experienced something new and profound. Lost Milestones

Rocky Mountain High In Colorado

Holy Cow.....has it really been Feb. since I last posted? Where did March go?

DH and I are doing well. We took a long overdue vacation to the beautiful state of Colorado. Talk about a whirlwind tour. We started out in Frisco Mtn. skiing with our old and new friends from Up With People. The weather was in the high 60's -which made for perfect sightseeing but the skiing was less than desirable. So we drank. We went into Breckenridge and had the most wonderfully romantic dinner, followed by a 2 hr. wait in the crepe line at Crepe a la Cart's. A must try!!! After leaving Frisco we headed into Denver for 4 days and spent some ALONE time. We took a day and headed to Boulder, Estes Park and Rocky Mtn. National Park. Then on to Colorado Springs for some more sites and to hang with an old friend. All-in-all it was a much needed break for the both of us.

Question of the week: Have you two been thinking about trying yet?
Answer: Yes, as of March 1st, DH and I are officially trying again.

It seems to be the question of the week. I must have been asked about 5 times out of the blue. NO PRESSURE , huh?

On a sad note, I received an email while on vacation that our friends had miscarried. I had the chance to speak with her the other night and she is having a hard time dealing. It was early on in the pregnancy but tragic none the less.

Anyways-just wanted to jot some thoughts-promise to not wait so long to post again.