Intro

My name is Samantha and I am a 37 yr old North Carolinian trying to take the advise of many and begin journaling my most recent experiences. The difficulty is I am a much better talker than a writer. So - if it were up to me - I would be on a recorded conference call instead.

So here we are! And this is my story.
On September 28th I was 361/2 weeks pregnant with my husband and I's first -and possibly only-baby girl Makenzie Parker. Things had been progressing smoothly throughout the pregnancy minus the extreme fatigue in the 1st and 3rd trimesters. I also had borderline Gestational Diabetes and ITP(platelet disorder). I had started Predisone for the ITP and was to start a med for the GD that morning. I went to my OB appointment for my standard weekly visit and remember telling my Doc that day that I was so"tired and through" (kinda jokingly). She informed me that the Group B test came back positive and not to worry it was a easy fix. I said "I was needing some good news" she told me they would be inducing on the 39th week-which was fine for me-I was ready to be comfortable again. Typical 36 week er, I was.
When I was done whining she stood up and took my belly measurement "37 weeks"- then the Doppler for the heart beat "hum, where is she?" I told here where they usually found the hb and as she scanned the area - she still had no rate. She calmly suggested we move to the ultrasound room so she could see how baby is laying in order to find the heart easily. As soon as the u/s found the hb I immediately recognized it was slower than usual and commented. She agreed and went at it with the Doppler again. When she couldn't target the heart she made mention of having a battery problem lately (quick thinking , in hind sight)and maybe Dr. C should come in with hers. Dr. C is one of the partners of the practice and HARD to get in with. I had only seen her once before ( the day we had our first u/s) but I knew as soon as she asked me if I had been feeling the baby move and I saw her face- something was wrong. She immediately sent for an ambulance and told me to call my husband to meet me at the Hospital. Makenzie's heart rate had dropped into the 80s. Here is the thing- I had watched enough Baby's Story and High Risk Pregnancy to know that once they got me to the hospital and got her out things were more than likely gonna be fine. (Naivete) I recall being wheeled into the doors of the hospital and seeing Dr. H holding the doors with her scrubs on, already prepared for an emergency C-section. There was no doubt this was gonna be a swift event. I think I was experiencing a kind of numbness to the ordeal because I was - in the words of the Dr's and nurses-amazingly calm , again; (Naivete).
As I began coming too in recovery I started asking about "my baby" . The nurse would just assure me she would have the Dr. come in as soon as she was done in surgery. Off to sleep I would go until I would awake and ask the same question and receive the same answer over again. Finally, I awoke to my husband and my Dr. standing over me. Doc went over the generals about the surgery and how I was doing-I, of course; interrupted and posed the question "how is my baby?" the Dr looked at my husband and let him explain. That is when I first learned that things did not look good. Makenzie's heart had stopped by the time they got her out. They were able to revive her after 11 minutes and she had been taken to another hospital for treatment.

After being wheeled into my private room -where my parents were waiting- we were visited by the Neonatalogist Dr. V. He began going over Makenzie's prognosis and explained that 11 minutes without a hb was a long time. There was a likely chance she had suffered severe brain damage among other things and we may need to think about making a decision.
This was all a blur, but I remember the panic stricken feeling. I did not want my husband and I having to make that kind of decision. Dr. V got a phone call and excused himself for a moment-when he returned he informed us that the decision had been made for us-Makenzie Parker D.'s heart gave at 4:59pm.

The amazing thing is the hospital staff immediately went into action of getting Makenzie back to us so that we could bond with her. A Dr. from the hospital she was transferred too brought her back over to us in his personal car seat and car. When he showed up she was clothed in a little white bonnet and a pink dress. They also had her wrapped in a pink and white knitted blanket from the ladies at "threads of love". She was the most amazingly beautiful and perfect thing I had ever seen.