Well- today was my 3 month follow-up with the Heart DR. for my final ECO and once over. Everything looks great. So the diagnosis of Peripartum Cardiomyopathy was definitely a missed diagnosis. What a whirlwind. I have, however; opted for a minor procedure that will rid a lifelong heart issue. Nothing major.
I had a weird incident the other day, I will try and make it brief. A girlfriend of mine- who lost a child at 6 1/2 months, yrs ago- stopped by the house to bring us our Christmas gift and to visit. She requested to see Makenzie's room -so after some time we headed upstairs. Now keep in mind I have been in Kenzie's room several times since her passing with my niece, who still hasn't grasped the whole concept of Makenzie's death.
Anyhow-The friend immediately starts going thru the outfits hanging silently in the closet. There is a particular dress hanging that is embroidered with Makenzie's initials. This one is my favorite. I remember when I opened the dress at my shower how it made her coming so definite in my mind. The friend and I shared a moment of sadness at the sight of the dress that will never be worn. The dress was so Makenzie. She then started going thru the items in the Moses basket(most of these items she purchased) and began remarking on each item and how adorable they were. Then it started happening. She started hanging outfits from the basket, placing stuffed animals in the crib, moving her little shoes into the shelves and even unfolded the comforter and swung in over the railing.
Now I know what you are thinking "Why in the Hell didn't we yell stop?" My husband and I just clamored along with her and I believe at one point I made a half ass ed attempt at stopping the commotion, did I mention her 7 yr. old was in the mix man handling the stuffed animals but I'm not sure? it was all going so fast and I truly took the idea that she needed to do this to filter her own emotions about Makenzie and possibly her own loss. She has always been a very sensitive individual who acts impulsively on her emotions. So I let her manipulate the room thinking this was good for her. It didn't truly hit me- the dynamics this would cause with me -until later that night lying in bed in the throws a major anxiety attack.
Now I have spoken to several other friends about this and am aware how crazy it sounds that I let this play out. One friend saying "Makenzie's room is not a shrine where friends can come and mourn their dead babies". "This was way out of line".
And to be honest I wouldn't let it happen again. But, my friends have all been so devastated by losing Makenzie. I had a friend at lunch the other day burst into tears as she told me see dreamed Ed and I had a baby. It is hard for them. I know..I know..not like for Ed and I but some of them, like this friend, are still so sad. So that is why I think I let it go on, I think she was processing it her way. But I do question her judgement.
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