I'm With Stupid

How can someone so close to you...not get it?

Today was my visit with the new ob/gyn and it went fairly well. I am just gonna have to realize that no appointment or conversation is gonna make me have the warm and fuzzes when it comes to the decision of TTC.

But what makes it 10x worse is when I am on the phone with my husband tonight and explaining this to him and he doesn't get it. He just can't seem to grasp why I am so terrified to make that commitment. He knows "I am scared, he just wished I wasn't", how fucking prophetic !! I was saying how scary it is gonna be for me when we are in the middle of having unprotected sex and knowing the decision is being made. This panics me. which Dr. says is very normal . But, hubby seems to act like I have a bad hangup or something. WELL, NO SHIT. Ya THINK !!!!!He is completely willing and ready to go for it NOW.

Weird thing is...I think I have had to much time to think about TTC. In the beginning, after the loss I was ready to have another baby right then and there. All I could bank my emotions on was having another. Now- not so much. It's the whole standing on the edge and looking to the ground to long when skydiving. Second guessing, "What the hell am I thinking.. jumping out of a perfectly good plane"? I could die..better yet my baby could die.

By the way, I know I maybe should cut some slack to the husband. He is away on a biz trip and been going non stop all day and was falling asleep during the convo, but I tell ya -sometimes men have the stupidest shit come out their mouths.

I would like to hear from those that made the decision to TTC again. What was that initial moment like? When you just or finally jumped. Please..be aware I am not asking for the illicit affairs of having sex, just simply the mind fucking decision. :) If you don't mind.