Well, I think I am officially in a state of funkiness.
When I decided it was time for dh and I to get serious about ttc last January it was because a good friend of mine had announced her pg in Dec. and we discussed how fun it would be to be pg together. After my pee stick proved positive another friend of mine decided she wanted on board the baby train.
As it turns out we all 3 were carrying girls. What joy. We joked about and constantly imaged the friendships each would bond with Makenzie. Girlfriend 1 had her bundle of cuteness August 1st and my dh and I were there to meet her with bells on. (And a big ol pregnant self) I had sooo many questions about the labor wanting to know every detail -so to know what to expect when it was my turn to have the new best friend.
Girlfriend 2 delivered her little princess yesterday at 5:49pm. We just spoke about 30 minutes ago. I had sooo many questions about the labor wanting to know every detail-just for the hell of it.
Ya'll know how it goes...I am truly excited for my friends and their husbands and can't wait to see the latest arrival (we have to head to Nashville for this one) and have been told the little one has already been told all about her "aunt sam and uncle _"(always a aunt, never a mother? Hope not) But, it hit me how happy I am for them and how sad I am for me and dh.
I have been so grumpy with things and dh lately- which is somewhat usual for me around the holidays- that my sadness tonite was misconstrued by the husband. He headed off to bed with a half hearted attempt at a goodnight kiss and mumbling something about me being in an ill mood.
I just didn't have the strength to convince him otherwise. I just wanted to be left to sulk, to waller in my pity, to question "why me"? I even had the thoughts that " I didn't deserve a baby because I am such a bitch" play thru my mind.
I will try and make it up to dh-maybe tomorrow.
P.S. I absolutely lOVE being around girlfriend 1's little cutie, my husband and I are always gooing over her every chance we get. I actually hold her often and love playing with her. She is a total trip. Kenzie and her would have been so great as friends.
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3 comments:
Not much to say, just sending ((((((hugs)))))))) I know how hard the holidays are, without our little ones here :(
I just found your blog and wanted to tell you I loved your video. Holidays are hard. ((hugs)) to you and your husband.
You are so brave Samantha. A year and half after I lost Ava, I still refused to hold my neice when she was born. I just couldnt bring myself to be around a newborn. Your strength and courage is truly inspiring.
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