I am going through a whole gammit of emotions lately. Maybe you guys can help.
I think it all really hit me when a friend of mines' sister was rushed to L&D last week when during her OB appointment her BP was extremely elevated. Turns out developed Preeclampsia and they had to deliver 5 wks early. She was unable to see the baby in NICU until her BP dropped to normal and she could move around. Rumor has it she was terrified and has vowed not have any more children. Too risky at her age. Same age as me.
After hearing @ this and her symptoms, I began questioning whether I had developed PE or HELLP syndrome during pregnancy. Here is the thing..I was tested for the week before I lost Makenzie- because of some signs. I was told test came back negative. But then after delivery my BP shot up, somedays 147/116. it is back to norm now I also experienced severe right shoulder pain.
Anyways, this sent me into ANXIETY mode. Did I have it? Would I have it is sub pregnancy? Am I willing to go through a pregnancy again? Am I too old to go through this again?... I think now that we can begin trying again, I am freezing up. Total Panic.
Put this on top of me trying to come off my anti-anxiety meds and I am a real piece of work. I do better during the day hustling with work but when I get in bed the worries start a comin.
I spoke with the D Dr. this morning and he again calmed my fears by letting me know I would be closely monitored. I also made an appointmet w/a new OB/GYN for a consult..just to explore my options. When i went by my current OB Dr. H assistant and some of the staff gathered around me asking how I was doing? They really hope I stay with their practice through a sub pregnancy. They are all rooting for DH and I. But, reluctantly, they understand if I trac out.
I am questioning going back on my medicine but have been fighting it. I was on it during my pregnancy and have been assured it was not the cause of death...but one never fully knows in these situations.
I guess one question is "How do you know if you should try for another"?
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2 comments:
You don't!
If I knew, I'd have it all planned out and nothing would go wrong.
It's all about life and it's risks. Walking down the damn street is a risk nowadays, who says you wont get hit by a bus! People went to work on Sep 11th and a plane ended their lives! Who knew that would happen?
The questions is "Are you prepared to take the risk to fulfill your desire for a child".
That, only you can answer.
Personally, I am. I have no idea if any future baby will also have a chromosomal abnormality or not, there is always that risk for us. But if I don't try, I don't get; So I try and take that risk and wait and see.
Good luck!
I knew I wanted another baby when I realized that I did not want my fears to rob me of the very thing I yearned for in life.
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