I am such a bad blogger. I never seem to have the time to actually sit and put my thoughts into writing. I am currently on a business trip in Philly, alone in a hotel room, making myself write something.
It is a known fact that Christmas season/Dec. have always been extremely hectic for me. As a child of divorce- not only my parents, but grandparents- my brother and I had 5 celebrations to attend throughout the month. Which as a child was AWESOME for gifts, but as an adult somewhat draining. But I am not complaining too much-at least I have the family to still celebrate with. Minus one Makenzie.
I have to say this holiday season has been tough. Seeing Santa with the newborns at the Mall last week struck a nerve. Then there was the company Christmas party where one of the wives-after much to drink-began telling us "you two are gonna have another baby by next Christmas. I just know it!" Oh-If I had a $(or guarantees) for all those that have made similiar statements.
The fact is, since the day after Makenzie's birth/death day, everyone started hinting at dh and I destined to be parents. Are they prophets or just optimist??
We were told by D.Drs' (aka Duke Docs) we only had to wait 3-4 months to begin trying again, as long as the heart doc says "good to go". That would put us ttc starting Feb.-Question being- Am I ready for that anxiety and disappiontment when it doesn't happen in month 1, month 2, month 3 and so on..................
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Doctor..Doctor...give me the news
Well..... I just got off the phone with the heart Dr. and we have moved my checkup to January.
What I haven't mentioned is the long pain staking process I have been through after my regular physician/cardiologist (falsely)diagnosed me with Cardiomyopathy of Pregnancy and warned us to never have another child. This of course was 3 days after being released from the hospital with empty arms. Lovely huh? My husband and I immediately wanted a second opinion and thankfully my mother pulled her strings and got me into the Women's heart specialist for Duke the very next day. (Boy-talk about some serious anxiety the night between) Not only did my child not live , now I wasn't sure I would !
Needless to say Dr. K does not see the cardiomyopathy and doesn't feel the diagnosis or the advise to not have a child should have been made from just an echo. It is a very symptomatic disease - which I am showing none.
The only thing alarming about my heart is an occasional bout of tachycardia due to an addition node. Which I have had since childhood and have been assured can not be fatal. By the way-They feel this had nothing to do with Makenzie's death she was completely healthy. They chalk her loss up to a cord accident. They currently have me on a heart monitor for 30 days to see if this is happening enough to perform a minor surgery. I also am having problem with my blood pressure being high since leaving the hospital -which we are monitoring.
We have been told by the perinatologist that if we get the okay from the heart Dr. we can begin trying again in Jan.
Well...time for me to head outdoors and go for a jog. Gotta get that blood pressure back to norm.
#######Please take the time to view Makenzie's memorial video atop the sidebar########
The song playing during it was a song I had chosen for her in @my 3rd month, it was supposed to be he life song. Funny how that work out, huh?
What I haven't mentioned is the long pain staking process I have been through after my regular physician/cardiologist (falsely)diagnosed me with Cardiomyopathy of Pregnancy and warned us to never have another child. This of course was 3 days after being released from the hospital with empty arms. Lovely huh? My husband and I immediately wanted a second opinion and thankfully my mother pulled her strings and got me into the Women's heart specialist for Duke the very next day. (Boy-talk about some serious anxiety the night between) Not only did my child not live , now I wasn't sure I would !
Needless to say Dr. K does not see the cardiomyopathy and doesn't feel the diagnosis or the advise to not have a child should have been made from just an echo. It is a very symptomatic disease - which I am showing none.
The only thing alarming about my heart is an occasional bout of tachycardia due to an addition node. Which I have had since childhood and have been assured can not be fatal. By the way-They feel this had nothing to do with Makenzie's death she was completely healthy. They chalk her loss up to a cord accident. They currently have me on a heart monitor for 30 days to see if this is happening enough to perform a minor surgery. I also am having problem with my blood pressure being high since leaving the hospital -which we are monitoring.
We have been told by the perinatologist that if we get the okay from the heart Dr. we can begin trying again in Jan.
Well...time for me to head outdoors and go for a jog. Gotta get that blood pressure back to norm.
#######Please take the time to view Makenzie's memorial video atop the sidebar########
The song playing during it was a song I had chosen for her in @my 3rd month, it was supposed to be he life song. Funny how that work out, huh?
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