Shew, made it through the holiday. It is late...so I will post my thoughts tomorrow. Goodnight.

By the way- any clues on how to link to other blogs within your text?

Funky Towne

Well, I think I am officially in a state of funkiness.

When I decided it was time for dh and I to get serious about ttc last January it was because a good friend of mine had announced her pg in Dec. and we discussed how fun it would be to be pg together. After my pee stick proved positive another friend of mine decided she wanted on board the baby train.

As it turns out we all 3 were carrying girls. What joy. We joked about and constantly imaged the friendships each would bond with Makenzie. Girlfriend 1 had her bundle of cuteness August 1st and my dh and I were there to meet her with bells on. (And a big ol pregnant self) I had sooo many questions about the labor wanting to know every detail -so to know what to expect when it was my turn to have the new best friend.

Girlfriend 2 delivered her little princess yesterday at 5:49pm. We just spoke about 30 minutes ago. I had sooo many questions about the labor wanting to know every detail-just for the hell of it.

Ya'll know how it goes...I am truly excited for my friends and their husbands and can't wait to see the latest arrival (we have to head to Nashville for this one) and have been told the little one has already been told all about her "aunt sam and uncle _"(always a aunt, never a mother? Hope not) But, it hit me how happy I am for them and how sad I am for me and dh.

I have been so grumpy with things and dh lately- which is somewhat usual for me around the holidays- that my sadness tonite was misconstrued by the husband. He headed off to bed with a half hearted attempt at a goodnight kiss and mumbling something about me being in an ill mood.
I just didn't have the strength to convince him otherwise. I just wanted to be left to sulk, to waller in my pity, to question "why me"? I even had the thoughts that " I didn't deserve a baby because I am such a bitch" play thru my mind.

I will try and make it up to dh-maybe tomorrow.

P.S. I absolutely lOVE being around girlfriend 1's little cutie, my husband and I are always gooing over her every chance we get. I actually hold her often and love playing with her. She is a total trip. Kenzie and her would have been so great as friends.

Christmas cheer

I am such a bad blogger. I never seem to have the time to actually sit and put my thoughts into writing. I am currently on a business trip in Philly, alone in a hotel room, making myself write something.

It is a known fact that Christmas season/Dec. have always been extremely hectic for me. As a child of divorce- not only my parents, but grandparents- my brother and I had 5 celebrations to attend throughout the month. Which as a child was AWESOME for gifts, but as an adult somewhat draining. But I am not complaining too much-at least I have the family to still celebrate with. Minus one Makenzie.

I have to say this holiday season has been tough. Seeing Santa with the newborns at the Mall last week struck a nerve. Then there was the company Christmas party where one of the wives-after much to drink-began telling us "you two are gonna have another baby by next Christmas. I just know it!" Oh-If I had a $(or guarantees) for all those that have made similiar statements.
The fact is, since the day after Makenzie's birth/death day, everyone started hinting at dh and I destined to be parents. Are they prophets or just optimist??

We were told by D.Drs' (aka Duke Docs) we only had to wait 3-4 months to begin trying again, as long as the heart doc says "good to go". That would put us ttc starting Feb.-Question being- Am I ready for that anxiety and disappiontment when it doesn't happen in month 1, month 2, month 3 and so on..................

Showbiz

Ok! Could Grey's Anatomy stop already with the deadbaby story lines? I mean ,it has only been 2 months since we lost Makenzie and the show now has approached the issue twice. My poor friends- I believe they are affected by it more than me. "Did you see the show tonight? If you DVRed it you may not want to watch it!" or at commercial break.. ring -" Are you watching? Are you okay?"

The wierd thing is I don't recall seeing ANY babies die on TV in the 1 yr and 9 months I was preparing and carrying Kenzie. Don't get me wrong, I do believe the public needs to be more aware that these things still happen in the 21st century. But geez, just give ME a little more time before my favorite show throws it in my face.