Kiss My Ring

DH and I got away this weekend to Nashville, TN to see our friends who just had their baby last month. My friend is a musician- so we accompanied them to a party where other musicians performed-when it was her turn to sing in the round she ROCKED it with a new one I hadn't heard. It was a good get-away for the hubby and I.

DH and I were so moved when our friends asked us over dinner if we would be

baby bird's

Godparents. What an honor, one we never expected. Makenzie and BB would have been so cute together. I feel like Kenzie had a hand in us being asked. There were many times when BB was asleep and I was holding her that she resembled Makenzie. I think it was her chubby cheeks.((smile))

We are trying to come up with nicknames as godparents...any suggestions?

Roller Coaster of Love

I am not sure exactly what to think, so I am hoping to get some feedback on this one.

It seems as though my m.cycle is avoiding me this month. Which is kind of puzzling since I have had them the last two months. I am at day 37 and usually am 28-32 days. I know it has only been 3 1/2 months since my C-section but it just odd that I would have 2 and now no sign of one.(minus some minor cramping a wk or so ago.)

I have been REALLY moody, well I'd say, Damn near cranky lately. Which I thought might be monthly related,but maybe not.? Maybe it is stress related. Starting back with work and all. I am enjoying the job force again, but I have to admit there has been some distance and frustrations betwixt the DH and I. Which is never good. I am kinda swirling in my head wondering if all this is aftermath or underlying issues. It is weird-but, I kinda miss the months after losing Makenzie when the world seemed simpler. DH and I were in our little cocoon of sorrow where we had each other for comfort and everything else besides love seemed so futile. Now we are(mostly me) in the real world again "9-5ing it" pursuing the dream. In the rat race going through the motions. I get so caught up in the career and the goals that I develop tunnel vision. Unable to reign myself in at times. Anyways-I am rambling and probably not making much sense- so I will quit for now.

I will call the Doc @ the missed cycle this wk. But was wondering if anyone had some insight. Thanks for sticking through the read.

Crocodile Hunter Meets His Match

Everybody needs a little comic relief.My friends and I find this particularly helpful on those bad days.

Can someone tell me how to insert pics?

Where do I go to find this stuff?HELP. I am usually pretty good at this kind of thing.

Stop...Ur in Violation of my parental rights

Well- today was my 3 month follow-up with the Heart DR. for my final ECO and once over. Everything looks great. So the diagnosis of Peripartum Cardiomyopathy was definitely a missed diagnosis. What a whirlwind. I have, however; opted for a minor procedure that will rid a lifelong heart issue. Nothing major.

I had a weird incident the other day, I will try and make it brief. A girlfriend of mine- who lost a child at 6 1/2 months, yrs ago- stopped by the house to bring us our Christmas gift and to visit. She requested to see Makenzie's room -so after some time we headed upstairs. Now keep in mind I have been in Kenzie's room several times since her passing with my niece, who still hasn't grasped the whole concept of Makenzie's death.

Anyhow-The friend immediately starts going thru the outfits hanging silently in the closet. There is a particular dress hanging that is embroidered with Makenzie's initials. This one is my favorite. I remember when I opened the dress at my shower how it made her coming so definite in my mind. The friend and I shared a moment of sadness at the sight of the dress that will never be worn. The dress was so Makenzie. She then started going thru the items in the Moses basket(most of these items she purchased) and began remarking on each item and how adorable they were. Then it started happening. She started hanging outfits from the basket, placing stuffed animals in the crib, moving her little shoes into the shelves and even unfolded the comforter and swung in over the railing.

Now I know what you are thinking "Why in the Hell didn't we yell stop?" My husband and I just clamored along with her and I believe at one point I made a half ass ed attempt at stopping the commotion, did I mention her 7 yr. old was in the mix man handling the stuffed animals but I'm not sure? it was all going so fast and I truly took the idea that she needed to do this to filter her own emotions about Makenzie and possibly her own loss. She has always been a very sensitive individual who acts impulsively on her emotions. So I let her manipulate the room thinking this was good for her. It didn't truly hit me- the dynamics this would cause with me -until later that night lying in bed in the throws a major anxiety attack.

Now I have spoken to several other friends about this and am aware how crazy it sounds that I let this play out. One friend saying "Makenzie's room is not a shrine where friends can come and mourn their dead babies". "This was way out of line".
And to be honest I wouldn't let it happen again. But, my friends have all been so devastated by losing Makenzie. I had a friend at lunch the other day burst into tears as she told me see dreamed Ed and I had a baby. It is hard for them. I know..I know..not like for Ed and I but some of them, like this friend, are still so sad. So that is why I think I let it go on, I think she was processing it her way. But I do question her judgement.